Your Desires Are Being Hijacked

Recognise the ancient drivers behind our modern cravings

In a world of abundance, why do we still feel like something is missing?

Humanity’s progress since industrialisation is unparalleled. We have triumphed over adversities that once plagued our ancestors for millennia. Yet, we are grappling with substance abuse, obesity, diabetes, and other chronic ailments.

Perhaps we are victims of our success. As Thomas Sowell states: ‘There are no solutions, there are only trade-offs’. Meeting our core human needs has resulted in a ‘paradox of affluence’ - the modern world can meet all our needs, and yet, we are afflicted by problems of excess, as though something is still missing. 

But what more could we possibly want?

It is not a case of wanting more. It is a case of misinterpreting what we ‘want to want’. This question was examined by Kyle Eschenroeder in his blog article ‘What Do You Want to Want’. It inspires a deeper dive into the evolutionary underpinnings of desire to reveal;

• Why do we want (desire); and

• Why do we misinterpret what we want in modern society? 

Firstly, we must consider the ancestral environment. It determined what we needed, so it influenced what we desired. Desires then steered our actions towards those that maximised success. Or as Charles Darwin put it - ‘survival of the fittest’.

But what worked for us in the past may be maladapted for today (akin to racing a Formula 1 car on a dirt rally track).

Today, this internal compass remains fixated on obtaining something, such as an experience or an object. It is a silent but persistent drive urging you to satisfy this fixation.

I admit it is an oversimplification to state that human actions derive from desire alone, but it is a fundamental drive nonetheless. Hormones, neurotransmitters, and brain structures work together to create this potent chemical formula to ‘nudge’. You may not be aware of the precise levels of water within your body, but the need to quench a thirst is obvious. 

But what about the needs beyond survival? Those that warrant a mission even as our bellies are full? Maslow's ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ provides insight as it arranges human needs into a hierarchical structure. Basic needs, such as food and shelter, are at the foundation, whilst higher-level needs, like self-actualisation and transcendence, are at the top.

It suggests that once we meet foundation needs, we progress toward higher ones. Fulfilment at each level contributes to our overall well-being and meaning.

With basic needs, going from ‘A to B’ is very simple - Hungry? Eat. Thirsty? Drink. Chased by a Sabre-Tooth Tiger? RUN. For most of us today, foundation needs are addressed with little hardship, so we fixate on the higher levels. It gives us the privilege of a luxury pursuit: finding meaning. I define it as a luxury pursuit because we are no longer bound by nature’s will (mostly). That is not to say that it is easy. This way of life is unfamiliar to us, so we often fall short.

We are ill-prepared for this because our psychology remains unchanged relative to our surroundings. We are still the knuckle-dragging hunter-gatherer. As you forage for meaning today, there is no denying it is the age of abundance. But as scarcity drives us, we mistake instant gratifications for fulfilment. They are cheaper and temporary alternatives for satisfying fixations. And they are everywhere today.

But as they are a fleeting high, we must keep coming back. It leads us astray from what we really want to want. Instead, we end up following false paths, or as I call them, ‘surrogate fulfilments’.

We are lured to surrogate fulfilments as they are often the path of least resistance to gratification. Or we may not even realise its disguise; hence, we can think of it as hijacking our desires.

Let me show you some of these disguises.

1. Conspicuous Consumption

This is our desire to signal wealth and status. In the ancient world, securing resources meant being resource-rich. It increased your chances of survival and attracting mates - the epitome of success. Modernity has reduced the requirement to earn our stripes, but the need to peacock your 'fitness' remains.

Today, this desire spills over to the consumption and display of goods and services. Fitness now is affording resources rather than foraging or fighting for them. It makes purchasing power the best signal apparatus. It also becomes an avenue of competition where ‘keeping up with the Joneses' consumes us. This can lead to obvious financial and stress burdens.

2. Compensatory Consumption

This also seeks to fill a void via consumption but with greater internal focus. Here, the act of shopping and the subsequent purchase is the satisfaction. It compensates for unmet emotional needs or alleviation of negative feelings - the coveted ‘retail therapy’. But the thrill of the shop wears off once we buy the thing. We are doomed to repeat this cycle if we ignore the underlying causes of the voids we are experiencing. It may also become a financial burden.

3. Emotional Eating

Comfort foods aptly name the relief they provide us in sustenance. It often involves sugar-laden foods due to our preference for sweet tastes. An appetite for energy-dense foods was a crucial survival mechanism. Today, this sweet tooth and the greater availability of food means we can also eat our way to satisfying voids. This coping mechanism can lead to health issues such as obesity, diabetes and other related conditions.

4. Substance Dependence

This is the dependency on drugs or alcohol to offer a temporary sense of pleasure, numbness, or relief from discomfort. It serves as a substitute for addressing deeper psychological or emotional needs. However, this relief is often short-lived. It also has negative consequences like physical health problems, impaired judgment, strained relationships, and financial difficulties.

5. Escapism

Video games, Netflix binges, and social media allow us to escape reality by immersing ourselves in the digital and entertainment world. Escapism transports us to a different environment - more pleasant and less stressful. In these environments, we are the curators of our experience. 

Escapism lures us with frictionless pathways. We can achieve the resources, achievements, and accolades we lack by progressing in video games. We can also numb the pain of a stressful day by bingeing on Netflix. And we can address our ‘FOMO’ by scrolling through social media. We can only address insufficiencies in the real world. If we choose to address them in the digital world, nothing changes.

 Lesson: Know what you want to want or be a slave to your impulses.

I am not saying that we are merely mindless creatures reacting to every impulse, or we would likely exist in a world reminiscent of ‘Mad Max’. But we face a new threat in hijacked desires. It forces us to make a choice; 

Merely be passengers or become active participants in our desires. 

But this is not straightforward. We are rid of hunting and gathering, but we have bills to pay, a 9-5 to afford them and endless distractions to occupy our remaining time. But it is worth prioritising because pursuing hijacked desires wastes our precious time and resources. They are even impacting our health.

While synchronisation with the new world is pending, we must cope in the meantime, as our desires have no off-switch. There is little precedence, so there is no blueprint. It incentivises us to rely on our default settings.

As it turns out, sometimes we cannot trust ourselves. To borrow from Dr Steve Peters’s book ‘The Chimp Paradox’, we must not succumb to the impulses of our chimp mind.

Recognising the hijacking is a crucial first step to reclaiming control. As instant gratifications disguise themselves well, the call to vigilance becomes paramount. The message is clear – make intentional choices and reclaim control over your time and efforts. 

In doing so, you can navigate the age of abundance and pursue authentic desires.

Do not fall for the trap.